Sometimes, I feel like such a weirdo to allow myself to get upset over such petty things. Even now, as I read over some of your blogs, I know that death has entered, and changed, your lives in a terrible, and mighty way. I realize that for a lot of women, pain and sorrow run deep.
However, I haven't lost a child. I haven't lost a member of my "human" family. This past weekend, I said "Goodbye" to my beloved 14-yr. old schnauzer, Murphy.
Please understand, I'm not comparing my sorrow with a mother who has lost her child. Nor am I comparing it to someone who has lost a family member, or even a real human friend. Those griefs are so painful - I know those sorrows are altogether in a different world of hurt. But, if you will allow me, I'd like to share with you a little tale of a beloved friend and companion for 14 years.
You see, I was given Murphy as a six-week old puppy from my GaGa, who has passed on over ten years ago. Murphy was my link to a beautiful past with my Grandma. She raised schnauzers, and if you ever GaGa, a schnauzer was not too far behind. People from all over Kentucky, as well as Tennessee (Nashville, Memphis, no distance was apparently too far for schnauzer lovers!!) would come to her home and gaze upon those beautiful gray furballs and pick out a puppy to take home with them. This gave my GaGa a little bit of spending money, and years of puppy LOVE. When she passed away (peacefully in her home), her two schnauzers stayed in the family as if they were her babies. It felt wrong to place them anywhere else. Buddy went to live with my parents, and Molly went to live with my husband's parents. It all worked out, even in the midst of great pain and sorrow over my GaGa's unexpected death, her babies were all taken care of.
When she was gone, Murphy meant that much more to me. He was not only our firstborn (he even howled in the middle of the night, just so someone would get up and play with him! Oh, the things we do with our pets!) he taught us how to be parents, in a way. To be responsible. He taught our children how to handle pets, and they taught him patience. When Murphy had a stroke a year and a half ago, we weren't ready to say goodbye. We nursed him back to almost full health. And he enjoyed his "golden years". He was such an amazing dog.
So, goodbye, sweet Murphy. I know you know how much you meant to me. And, even though there wasn't a funeral for you, or kind words said at your memorial service, we've lost a member of our family who was kind, loving, and patient with us. Peyton wants to know if you can fly now. And Brendan said to "say hi to Jesus for me!"
You'll forever live in my heart.
Goodbye, dear friend.